难以言喻的心情

昨天是我的生日，今天却得知阿嬷逝世的消息。如果一个人的诞生意味着另一个死亡，生命何其无常，何其残酷！此刻的心情又怎能用言语形容？平时的我，一有难过的事，便很容易掉泪。直到今天，我才体会到，最大的伤痛原来是流不出眼泪的悲痛。虽然，阿嬷的死并非突然，我仍旧无法释怀地去面对它。明知道已经失去了，却无法接受这样的事实。所有的悲伤只能化做哽咽，伴着我，自责着我，侵蚀着我。我恨不得某个人可以重重地刮我一巴掌，让眼泪顺着刺痛滑落。或许，哭一场能感觉好一些。
一直以为，等我步入社会后，便可以好好地孝顺阿嬷和爸妈了。我甚至希望阿嬷能看着我结婚、组织自己的家庭。只不过，阿嬷再也等不到了。

得与失

测验过后，我终于可放下一个累人的包袱， 继续我的人生。有一种说不出的失落感，在心中蔓延。或许，是我的得失心太重了。人的欲望仿佛是个无底洞，永无止尽的欲望，或许有一天，我将掉进这洞里，自我掩埋。但是，人生应该不止是如此而已。我应该不断地学习，学习如何自信一些，学习放宽心胸，学习得与失。我相信，老天会眷顾用功的人。

Dear Jas

Hey Jas,
long time no see ya...how have u been? Thanx alot for your concern. I'm doing fine...trying to get used to the fact that my parents have left again and that it's time for me to be the big sister of the family. However, it's always comforting to know that my two younger sisters are understanding and caring.

How did u celebrate v-day? I had a wonderful one with my bf! It's really not abt the bouquet of flowers or the fanciful present, it's abt the companionship for the day!

Maybe it's just me...the very me u know of when we were in JC...sentimental, emotional n sensitive...perhaps too complex for my brain to function properly..haha...If i'd learn to take things in my stride and be contented with what i have at present, i shld be doing great, not just fine right?

I met up with mz, ant n mic yesterday for dinner.. dinner was sumptuous and u can imagine, it's so nice to be with old frens...they know u best and they definitely have the ablity to bring that smile back on your face. I was complaining abt how ugly i looked on prom...i questioned mic abt his compliments for me then. Mic replied," if i had told u that u looked bad, do u think i'd get to see that smile of urs on prom night?" I almost vomitted blood...haha...on the hindsight, it's great to know that your fren really care abt ur feelings, to the extent of lying ya..

It's my first entry in English...and it's all bcos of u ya..hope to hear from you soon!

hugs,
Jes

重聚

爸、妈和俊俊终于回家和我们一起过年了，让我再度寻回遗失好久的感觉。有父母在身边真好，一家人团聚真好！但我很清楚，欢乐的时光总是短暂的。很快的，他们又将离开，我们又得回到那种漂泊的日子。我需要好久的时间，才能慢慢习惯那种无依无靠的日子，而这般离别又重逢的恶性循环将一直重演。每一个选择都是贪婪与恐惧的平衡，我们将得到什么？又同时失去什么？

心情

曾听一个朋友说过，开心是一天，不开心也是一天，何不乐观一些，开心地过一天？有时侯我真的希望自己能乐观一点，想尽办法抛开悲观的想法和情绪，但它总蹑手蹑脚地爬进我的心坎里。

幸福

前几天看电视，目睹一对双胞胎兄弟，为了生存而挣扎，骤然发现，原来活着也是一种幸福。幸福原来可以很简单！ 或许，幸福不过是一种知足的心情表现。

时间

常听人家说，休息是为了走更长的路。 充了电的心情，终于又可以再度面对我的人生。或许，时间真的能冲淡一切，抚平伤痕。带着这样的心情开始我的新学期，但愿这一次，一切都会好走些。

一年后的我

最近再看自己的故事才发现，原来我已经一年没写故事了。如今，一年前的故事也已经无法再写下去了。忽然觉得，我在一年内成熟了。